When my daughter was in 4th grade, I spoke to her teacher about challenges I was having with her on schoolwork. Her teacher shared her observations and suggested that perhaps my daughter had ADD. We soon determined, with our pediatrician, that she did. At that time, I knew very little about attention deficit disorder and I was surprised to learn that ADD is genetic. It wasn’t long before I realized exactly where she got it!
My daughter began taking ADD medicine which helped her get through school, but she wasn’t always happy with the side effects of the medicine. It made her feel more introverted, quieter, and “dulled” her perky, happy personality. However, she knew it helped her with her focus in school, so she took it from fourth grade through most of high school. She chose to get off of medicine in her junior year because she felt she had learned to manage her issues effectively, and her friends said they liked her better unmedicated. (Peer pressure is real, but that’s a different story.)
My daughter’s diagnosis was the first step in MY genetic discovery. I have struggled for most of my life figuring out how to manage my “idiosyncrasies”. Back in the day, the ‘60s-‘70’s, no one ever diagnosed me with a learning/focusing issue and certainly never provided medicine to help me with learning/focusing. (I don’t know if ADD was even a thing in my younger years.) I was mostly described on my report cards like my daughter had been: “She is so sweet!” However, I had another more obvious challenge in that I was sick a lot. As a toddler, I was diagnosed with a chronic strep condition which frequently caused me to miss school due to strep throat. My academic challenges were easily explained by my frequent fevers and many school absences. I was always a little behind; I “didn’t apply myself,” and I just wasn’t as smart. To my knowledge, no one ever looked for any other reasons that learning (and life in some ways) was harder for me.
I managed to graduate from high school as an average student-126 in a class of 279 I think which was fine by me. Two years earlier, my sister graduated 10th out of a class of about the same number. I knew early in the game that would never be me. However, I surprised my family and myself by not only attending college but also earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Education in 1985. I was definitely not the daughter who was expected to get a college degree, and 40 years later, it still makes me proud of myself.
Fast forward to Covid ‘19! After four and a half months of having pretty much nothing I was required to do, I went back to work. Life resumed but with some strange twists. I was again an 8th grade teacher, one of the most stressful careers in the world, with the added challenges of the pandemic restrictions, requirements, and differences. And teaching in a mask…Ugg. I wanted so much to be able to retire right then, but I couldn’t. The last two years of my teaching career were two of the most difficult of all 28 years for many reasons. One “elephant in the room” was me; I truly struggled to function efficiently or effectively, in my 8th grade classroom.
Looking back, I have to admit that I began to notice differences in myself prior to Covid. For several years before Covid, life had become more stressful, with one big family event or challenge after another, and sometimes multiple events at the same time. But I think the biggest impact came in the extended illness and death of my mom in 2018. I thank God that He worked out life so that my sister was able to be in town with our mom and me during much of her last year. It was a blessing to all three of us. But while she was able to focus her attention on our mom while here, I was still teaching. I didn’t miss a day at work, but I was burning both ends of the candle for many months. It was necessary. I needed to take care of our mom. And I wanted to. I think I knew each hour spent with her would soon to be my last. My husband said one night as I was about to go to Mom for my evening shift, that I should skip a night and get some sleep. I said that I could sleep when Mom didn’t need me anymore.
(If you still have your parent(s), I encourage you to invest your time in them. You don’t get any more in this life.)
About fifteen months later, we entered the pandemic quarantine. As I said, I spent four and a half months in my home, doing, well, not much. And in many ways, can I say, it was bliss! I
finally got that rest I so needed! I often wonder if anyone else felt the same blessings from being quarantined. Our lives are crazy! We are constantly on the go, pushing ourselves to be as many things to as many people as possible: working way too many hours at our job, serving in church and other organizations, helping friends, kids, and grandkids, cleaning, shopping, and on and on…And then the freight train comes. to. a. sudden. STOP! And not only are you not doing things, you CAN’T do things even if you want to, so even the self-guilt of not accomplishing the to-do list is mostly eliminated! I was selfishly grateful for the emergency exit out of the fast lane. (I know that the pandemic has been a nightmare for SO many, and I am so sorry for all the loss and pain that came from this horrible time in history. I do not in any way make light of the seriousness of this event and the trail of tears left in its wake.)
If you are still with me, thank you. I will never tell a short story. So many squirrels!
All of this to say that a few years ago, my struggle to function was at a level of difficulty I’d never experienced. At the age of fifty-eight, my mental decline was concerning enough that I finally took my “genetic discovery” to my own doctor for analysis and chose to try pharmaceutical help! I am here to say that I made it through my last two years of teaching with the help of ADD medicine and I am grateful! I agree that taking medicine is not for everyone, but I want to encourage you not to be afraid or embarrassed about these kinds of medical issues. You would seek medical help if you broke your arm or became diabetic, right? Mental health is still your health, and it may be the most important step you take in your own self-care journey! If you find yourself struggling with focusing, multitasking, or even worse, not being able to organize the tasks you need to do, I know the feeling. I explain it as I couldn’t see the trees for the forest! This is the opposite of the common expression “Can’t see the forest for the trees” which means you are so focused on the details; you aren’t seeing the big picture. In my version, I mean that I get so overwhelmed by the big picture (usually many tasks that need to be accomplished), I struggle to do any of them. It can be so daunting that I just pick up my phone and scroll through Facebook instead of attempting to take care of any of the tasks! Just making simple decisions can be too much, even something fun. For example, I have missed something I wanted such as new shoes because there were so many options to choose from, I could not pick one. That may sound ridiculous to anyone who hasn’t experienced such a thing, but if you know, you know. It’s real. Please also know, there is help. Speaking to your doctor might be a good place to start. I did and it made a huge improvement in my life.
(Please note I am not promoting the taking of any medicine. I am promoting taking care of yourself and your family by seeking medical care if you are experiencing a problem.)
Have a blessed day!