Based on my experience and conversations with several women in my life, I have discovered a second element to “the change” (refer to part 1) that I find more surprising and significant. Maybe you have experienced this as well. I feel pretty accurate in thinking that on average, young adult women are more likely to enjoy acquisition of and owning “things” in their lives. This seems to be a time when the collection of things begins and flourishes. As we begin the adulting part of life, we are making our own home. Finding our own likes, dislikes, tastes, and our own personal style takes time. I have been very blessed in my life and have enjoyed accumulating my things: elephant anything, Willow Tree figures, kitchen gadgets and appliances (though I don’t like to cook), coffee cups, bowls, Tupperware, Premiere jewelry, shells and rocks, framed photos, and other various keepsakes, crosses (for my cross wall). And I can’t forget clothes, shoes, and jewelry. I do have some gluttonous tendencies.
As I aged into mid-life, I found that the collecting of things runs much deeper. Did you ever see the Meryl Streep movie The Bridges of Madison County? The main character makes a comment about “living my life of details” as she is reflecting on her years of marriage and motherhood. (Wonderful movie by the way!) I would bet you could make an extensive list of your own life of details: work and family commitments and responsibilities, errands, couldn’t-say-no’s, to-do’s, and so on. I believe that as women, we are 100% physically and emotionally invested in every facet of our lives, and our desire and ability to effectively manage everyone and everything is mind-boggling! I am reminded of the old variety shows where a guest made dinner plates spin on sticks! We multitask at a physical level matched only by our ability to finish off a pound of M&Ms like Michael Phelps going for gold!
In contrast to my thinking on women are my observations on men. In my experience, young men don’t typically require much stuff: a few casual clothing pieces, a few dress-casual clothing pieces, a hoodie, tennis shoes, and attire for any sports or hobbies in which they actually participate and aren’t mere spectators! Typically, they also do not seem to get too emotionally stretched by daily life. It all seems to just roll off their backs. Unless their team gets a bad call by the ref or, God forbid, their team loses. Then everyone should avoid contact with them for the rest of the day! (This is not to suggest that the ladies don’t support their own teams! I just think we are so much more!)
Over the years, I have come to realize through conversations with many women and in my own experience, that as many women move through THE change (yes, THAT one), there is also a shift in what is important to us and in what brings us joy. The collecting and collections I referred to previously, which we so enjoyed all around us in our earlier years, now feel more like the clutter that we must begin to shed. Those same collectibles, knick-knacks, and other trinkets that meant so much before, lose their importance; they become obstacles to clean, clean around, or to overcome. Older women no longer experience the joy of finding, collecting, and displaying them. For many, this new feeling of (overwhelming) clutter can create anxiety and other stressors. We find a desire to just simplify life! To my 60-year-old ears, that sounds wonderful! Less REALLY IS more!
I am still in the beginning stages of the new decluttering process, but I am advancing quickly! I keep fighting the urge to just throw or give things away when I don’t have an obvious immediate use or spot to put them. A few years ago, I heard this statement for assessing your stuff: If you haven’t used it in 3 years, get rid of it! Hmmmmm. Very interesting. I have since heard it modified to 2 years and even 1 year! And I heard another modification during the pandemic, when we were stuck at home with all our clutter: If it doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it! This seems drastic, like it was created as part of a 12-steps program by hoarders anonymous. I am not in full alignment with this newest thinking. I mean, my toilet does not bring me joy, but I am NOT getting rid of it. However, it is an interesting thought process. My husband recently said that I just don’t feel sentimental about things like HE does! Well, you got me there. I no longer care about boxes upon boxes we have in the garage and attic, such as the notes I wrote and passed with friends when I was in 8th grade. If not for Facebook, I wouldn’t even know that most of them are still alive!
On a more spiritual note, until middle-age, I didn’t understand that there is NO thing that we own that can bring real joy. Real, true joy cannot be found in things. Something else we hopefully discover as we mature!
So now as a 60-year-old, I am learning the joys of getting rid of stuff. And I am also learning that older men go through some interesting changes as well. Those once oh-so-simple young men get older and become the new collectors of stuff! Their “stuff collections” vary widely based on many categories such as their favorite teams, hobbies, jobs, DIY projects, and mid-life crisis purchases among others. (I would love to hear the stories about some of these experiences!) I cannot even count the number of times I have heard, “No I’m not throwing that out! We might need it!” I kid you not – I swear I found a broken pool filter basket in the garage that had been replaced by a new, NOT broken one. I asked why (expletive) it didn’t get put in the trash. He said he kept it “in case the new one breaks!” I’m sorry, what? I can hear you giggling. I am still shaking my head. This came from an intelligent, educated man with what used to be a lick of common sense! Yes, when he wasn’t around, I threw it away. Until the day we took down our pool, I prayed daily for our Savior to protect the new filter basket! (Ok I might be exaggerating about the praying, but the rest is frighteningly true!)
Of course, the broken basket was just one in a plethora of stupid things still surviving in my house, garage, attic, or yard that should be tossed, donated, or “regifted” to someone else who still likes to collect stuff! There are dozens and dozens of small and large containers filled with everything from random screws and bolts to books and magazines to gizmos I cannot identify. Oh, no, no, they are not labeled and organized containers. Silly you! Each container is like a treasure box filled with various wonders of the world! Or not. (More like Pandora’s box!) It does bring me some comfort to know that I am not alone in this new kingdom where men, who once didn’t even know storage boxes come in many sizes, now own and fill ALL the sizes in multiplicity and keep buying more! Ahhhhh!
Have a blessed day!